…Mental Health

The significance of today brings up a lot of different feelings, memories, thoughts and opinions on what Bell Let’s Talk Day stands for.

With the theme of the day, I wanted to share some of my story and connection to mental health experiences I have had and some useful tools I have found helpful along my journey.

I grew up in the 90’s – when mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression and otherwise were unheard of in every day conversation. If people were struggling with mental health issues, they were most definitely not discussed out in the open … they were ‘pushed under the rug’, a ‘lets pretend it isn’t happening’ mentality.

For the majority of my life, while my father was alive, I watched almost daily as he struggled with anxiety and depression. I want to respect that is his journey and I can only imagine how difficult life was for him, living with that daily.

I am really passionate about sharing today my experience, to reach out to others who are the family members that are supporting their Mother, Father, Significant Other, Sister, Brother, Friend through the challenging and difficult road of mental illness and how it has a ripple affect.

In a previous blog I discussed how, unlike a broken arm or leg, mental illness can be somewhat invisible to the all-seeing eye.
For example; when family and close friends started to find out about my Dads struggles, they couldn’t believe it.
My Dad, when able to attend holiday parties and well, any other social gatherings was the life of the party. Sociable, fun, a real story-teller!
The truth was; he struggled for those things just as much as he did to go to work 5 days a week.

… I definitely felt the disbelief and confusion as well.

From the age of 8 and up I have many memories of the difficulty that my dad and my whole family faced. As young as I was, I could not understand why on some days he could get up and function like all of my other friends’ dads and on other days he could not manage general, daily tasks.
I felt so confused. I tried everything; being his cheerleader and pumping him up for the event we were going to. Many times, I was sad and disappointed. And when I felt completely fed up and confused, I would get angry. I urged my dad to get up and come out with my mom and I.  Raising my voice while standing at the end of the bed, pleading for him to get up and come with us.

All I wanted was the three of us to go out together, for us to be able to rely on my Dad attending to ‘every day life events’ ALL of the time.  I was so frustrated and didn’t understand why my Dad wasn’t like my friends’ dads or the “TV Dads”.  I most definitely didn’t understand these labels of ‘anxiety’ and ‘depression’. No matter the number of times it was explained to me, I just didn’t get it.

At that time with it not being a common topic in schools and other settings, there weren’t nearly the resources that there are today.  I am not in the Elementary and High School system today but I believe there is a lot of ground being made with awareness and programs and I am happy to see that growth and change coming about.

 I 1000% can only imagine how incredible difficult and painful those experiences for my Dad were and for others who currently suffer. The emotions that would come with wanting to being a good Father figure, a supportive husband, wanting to be there and provide for his family, at the same time struggling with the mental illness and his own personal inner struggles. I only know how it feels to be the child living it and trying to understand what goes on, along with the beliefs and behaviours that develop from the confusion and experience.

One major result of being a dependent going through this (as well as other illnesses, death, etc.) is how we can put blame on ourselves, on it somehow being  ‘our fault’. I developed a skewed sense of trust with people committing and had my own commitment issues as a result.

The thing is – there needs to be support for those suffering with mental illness, as well as the caregivers, family and other supporters who are directly connected.

It all connected to being able to trust myself, to know that there is only so much I could have/can do in any given situation. In knowing I can trust myself and in trusting myself that energy flows onto others trust in return. I had to find my way back to myself, to the truths that I know to be.  It became an undoing of all of the beliefs that built up throughout childhood that I carried with me into adolescence. As we all have to an extent, some ‘undoing’ of what no longer serves us. Undoing of things that were not all intentional done and part of our growth is to recognize what no longer serves us and to choose to readjust our mindsets and beliefs to fit. To become more of ourselves that we were born as.

This came from working on myself, reflecting, participating in group programs and one-on-one counselling to help me understand my past so that I could uncover and remove the limiting beliefs that had been piling up on life. We are doing the best we can with the resources that we have – every. single. one. of. us.

Here is what I have come to know about anxiety and depression:

All human beings can have an anxious or depressive experience. It is to what extent it affects us that we must pay attention to.

My Variation of Definitions:

Anxiety~ A future event that hasn’t happened yet and we are playing/running a disaster film in our mind.

Depression~ Focusing on a past event that has already happened and holding onto it, not wanting to move forward.

Signs to tell if a family member is suffering long-term effects:

  • Weeks of not being able to get out of bed, get showered, leave the house to go to work or school
  • Not being able to attend certain or all social events
  • Anxiety attacks before going to specific things, doing specific things, speaking to certain people
  • Being constantly focused on a past event and it taking up majority of conversations and life
  • Loss of energy or mood
  • Panic attacks (esp. frequently)

**Note: This is not an official, medical professional fact list, I speak directly to my personal experience in and around it

 Resources to Help with Mental Illness:

**Note: This is not an official, medical recommendation, I speak directly to my personal experience in and around it

  • Psychologists; the forms I have seen and experienced have covered Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Where experiences are discussed, reflection and causes are assessed and future actions are discussed
  • Psychiatrist; similar to above and also prescribes medication and monitors medication use.
  • Life Coaching with therapeutic modalities; I have myself experienced it and also have worked with clients who suffer from anxiety and depression and have witnessed drastic transformations and positive results.
  • Group Therapy; a great option for those comfortable in sharing with groups. Gives people an opportunity develop other support systems, a feeling of community and learning from others’ experiences.
  • Books, videos and article on mindset focus and training

I encourage you to reach out and ask for help, if you have been through some traumatic/stressful/painful experiences (which basically all of us have at one point in life, as long as we are human, none of us are exempt from this stuff!). And even if you don’t feel you have, that could be a greater reason to seek some form of counselling or coaching.

Some of the main benefits and most success I had was when I saw a Psychologist and later expanded to work with my Life Coach/Mental Health Practitioner. The biggest benefit is that they are third parties, completely neutral and do not have previous relationships with me. As much as I relied on my friends, family, etc. to help me through the pain (and absolutely, resource them in times of need) but it got to a point where the ‘unloading’ I was doing was no longer helping bring about any change in my life. When I resourced professionals I was able to get honest significant guidance around some major areas of grief and struggle that I went through along my journey and started living a life full of purpose.

I know this for sure: it is a continuous ‘wave-like’ affect that our lives take. It is not a straight and narrow, clean line. The good news is that all of the ups and downs are beautiful lessons along the way.

Whatever you may be struggling with, I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. You’ve got this!

Dream BIG my friends,

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What a year!! 4 Keys to Make 2019 A Success!

What a year!!! What an absolutely incredible year!!!

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I got caught up this year – I’m wondering if you can relate? What I mean by that is, I got caught up at always looking forward to the ‘next’ thing, the ‘next’ milestone. When goals were accomplished, I didn’t acknowledge them or celebrate the hard personal and otherwise work that had gone into their achievement!
It was just all of a sudden a part of my life, filling into a space in the ‘line’ of other goals I had  set out for, achieved and then piled up in the ‘done’ pile.

How often do we take the time to reflect and look back at all of the incredible things we have accomplished in a week, a month, 6 months, the whole year?

What a F^&KING year!!!

2018 was a lot of firsts and I learned a HECK of a lot. I wanted to recap some of the most impactful lessons learned, in hopes that one or more of them can also help you along your journey.

2018 marks the first full year in business as a Life Coach in Danielle Reaume Coaching and Consulting. I had the opportunity to help amazing men and women fall more in love with themselves and discovered who they are in their truest light.

The clients shed limiting beliefs, old patterns that were no longer serving them. Partner relationships healed, grew stronger and layers of ‘stuff’ that clouded the true love that they have for one another was lifted. What a beautiful gift. I am incredibly grateful to have had the opportunity to serve every client I met with, every person who attended a workshop or training program and whomever I met with in networking capacities and for my own personal and professional development. Thank you all for allowing me to serve my purpose.

On a personal level; I tried A LOT of different/new things. From learning accounting for the business and the beautiful opportunities of frustration and then growth that came with that. Getting really clear on who I wanted to work with and so many other tasks and work around that with a few lovely business coaches 😊

I stepped into the originally MEGA uncomfortable space of Social Media in the form of regular content writing, video show creation, workshop delivery and competing in my first ever speaking competition!

By far what stretched me the most was the output of the Live Your Life Purpose Program… more on that learning below.

By joining groups in the Barrie Business Community, I was able to bring my business growth to new heights to allow me to receive the abundance of clients that I worked with. The importance of community has been a constant thread this whole year through. In all of life really.

I opened myself up to love!!! THIS one might be the MOST uncomfortable. I had done alllll the work, theoretically. Logically. And then it was time to receive! …stay tuned for more in the blog coming out in early 2019 for more on the love lessons!

Four Keys to Make 2019 a Success:

  1. MAKE FEAR YOUR FRIEND: The thing is, fear is a feeling. It is something that is inevitable in anything that we do! And the more worth while and soul-vibing it is, the scarier it might feel. But is it fear? Or is it excitement disguised as fear?
    You will never feel 100% ready for the next big career promotion, relationship, journey into parenting, etc. its all about feeling the fear and doing it anyways. Take that LEAP!! You’ve got this!!!
  2. SHARE YOUR MESSAGE: You never know who needs to hear your message, story, etc.
    We ALL have a story to share and the ones that we most need to can sometimes feel a bit shameful. The thing is; shame cannot exist when we are sharing the story and owning it and sharing the pieces that we want to share with the world. The beautiful part of telling our stories is that we get to re-create the outcome and give the context the meaning that we received after the experience had taken place. That is where the growth is. Speak it, write about it, draw or paint it, sing about it, whatever form feels best to you, embrace that and go for it!
  3. SMASH THE COMFORT ZONE: Get yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things if you want to develop deeper confidence, if you want to figure out more of who you are and what makes you happy. It won’t happen sitting on the couch watching TV or being bummed out about whatever did or didn’t happen that day.
    By all means, have a pity party from time to time. But set a time frame of when that party is going to end and take action. Ask yourself “What can I be doing or not doing differently, then I am doing or not doing now”?
  4. CELEBRATE: Take in ALL that you are doing and focusing on the celebrations, wins and what you are absolutely crushing in any given moment and especially over the year.
    Earlier this month at a workshop we had the opportunity to reflect on the areas in body, mind and spirit that we excelled in this year. Ill be honest, I was far less proud and not acknowledging nearly half of the growth, experience and successes that I had in 2018. So often we are working towards the next paycheck, the next ‘to do’, the next thing that is coming our way and then we blink and years ago by. We end up breezing past all of the moment
    s that meant something to us.

Get out and have some FUN!!

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It has been an absolutely incredible experience sharing stories, ideas, lessons and learning with you over the last 12 months and I look forward to bringing more connection, community and experiences to this platform in 2019!!!

Wishing you the very best this holiday season and a Happy New Year!!

Dream BIG my Friends,
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Do we meet people by chance or on purpose?

THIS is a story that needs to be shared!!

You never know how someone is going to impact your life and where the relationship will take you. We meet people all the time, in some expected and some very unexpected ways, shapes and forms.

Today’s story and message is about one of the unexpected relationships/friendships I made, with an amazing lady!

In October 2016, I was one week away from taking off on my 2+ month sabbatical to South East Asia. I was in the final week of work at a Golf Club as a Wedding and Event Planner. On a grey and cool Tuesday afternoon, a woman in her early 30’s and her mother came into the venue to tour it for an upcoming event they were planning.
As we toured the facility and as part of my process, I asked what event the ladies were looking to host.
The 30-something began to tell me that just days prior, her husband had died suddenly and they needed to plan a Celebration of Life for the following weekend.

I was completely speechless. I could not begin to image what this woman was going through, having lost her husband at such a young age.  I quickly moved through a moment of shock as she shared with me and we continued on with the venue tour process. In a very quick timeframe (15 minutes or so) we organized all of the details and arrangements for her late husband’s celebration. The woman knew exactly what she wanted for him and it was an absolutely beautiful vision.

We spent the next 45 minutes discussing all things in life. She shared about her career as a pro baseball player for team Canada, how she spent time living in Europe also playing baseball and how she was now a business owner and professional speaker. I was completely amazing and in awe of this woman; strong and fearless, a woman who was well travelled and versed in life experiences and who had accomplished goals that I was aspiring for. She was a powerhouse and she was also going through one of the most difficult experiences of her life.

She asked of my story too and I shared of life events leading up to that point in life, how I had recently ended an engagement and was about to embark on a journey abroad myself.

She and I knew right then and there that we had created this beautiful bond and that this was just the beginning of a beautiful friendship. She recognized how much I needed this travel and life experience, having been down a similar path. I was so grateful for her incredible support and showing excitement for me and my journey at this time, despite her own sadness and all of the other emotions she was going through at the time. When we left that day, it would be the last time I would see her before the celebration of life because I would be travelling to Asia that same day.

I returned two and a half months later and after a few weeks of being back in Canada, I re-connected with her and we met up for coffee.  I was blown away with all of the continued like-minded connections we had and how natural the friendship picked up where it left off (again, after about an hour and a half meeting, prior).

 

Fast-forward to October 2017, a year later, as our friendship grew and as we both healed and grew so much individually, we continued to connect on another level. This time when we met up, I was sharing about how I had just signed up for a dating site LOL. I was back in the dating game and ready to take it to the next level.

Jenn shared with me that she too wanted to put herself out there. She felt ready to try. I, quite energetically and loudly proclaimed what a great idea I thought it would be for her to try it. I was also in awe of how much strength and healing she had done to get to this point. That night, in October 2017 Jenn signed herself up on a dating site and 24 hours later, she messaged a man she was interested in and went on a first date.

I am SO happy to share that the dating world conversation and encouragement led Jenn to be one of the blessed ones with online dating. The first date she went on turned into a solid soul connection and they just celebrated their first year anniversary together!

There are so many amazing things that have come from the friendship that Jenn and I have and from the wonderful and continuous synchronistic events that have grown our friendship and connection over the years.

Some of my biggest take-aways:

  •  You never know what resources or friendship/otherwise can come out of a first meeting.
    Jenn connected me to Momondays and other amazing platforms that became huge parts of my life.
  • Sometimes sharing your story or something new you are doing or trying, will encourage, motivate and lead to someone else stepping into something they have wanted for themselves. Sometimes it could be more about what another person gets from your experience.
    In my adventures in online dating to try my luck at love again, it ended shortly. For Jenn hearing of that ‘jump’ I was taking, it gave her just what she needed to hear to take another step on her journey.

Being a connecting piece of Jenn’s puzzle to help get her to the avenue for her to meet her romantic partner is a very powerful take-away for me. It has given me a next level of wanting to give and help others and to especially share  messages.

Sometimes we think we are doing something for ourselves, to learn, to grow, to put ourselves out there, to gain immediate and direct benefit. Yet, how many times has something that we originally intended on or set out on for ourselves, turned into helping someone else out, without even realizing it at the time.

I encourage you to think about the ways that you have helped others in your life. Is it possible that your experience, once shared with another, has positively influenced someone else’s life? Something that you may have seen as a loss, a failure or a ‘miss’ for you, that could be a huge win for another?  A ripple effect for another person. The next time you feel like holding back on something that you are so deeply feeling compelled to share with someone, remember this story, put on your vulnerability pants and share your truth. You never know how it can change another human beings’ trajectory in an absolutely powerful way!

Dream BIG my friends,
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Dedicated to Gary & Derek – Always in our hearts

What do YOU want? It isn’t by accident!!

“You are wired to want what you want!” – Ernie Pavan

As I mentioned in the video this week – we all have a burning desire inside to create or do something that sets our soul on fire! … And perhaps those aren’t exactly the words you would use to describe the feeling, desire, longing, craving but whatever way you ‘slice it’, it is within all of us!!

It can take all different forms, depending on what it is you want to do and what you are passionate about. I spent a great part of my journey in the last two years figuring out exactly what that was.

Fast-forward to today and I now know whole-heartedly that one of my biggest passions and what sets my soul on fire is helping guide others to figure out what their passions and creative expressions are and what makes them tick. One big step in the process that is a must as far as I am concerned, is removing limiting beliefs or decisions or other blocks that would normally prevent me/others from cultivating their BIG dreams and passions. To then set out on a path and course of action to receive!!

…Now I am going to take this relational!!

Let’s connect on the concept of being in an aligned romantic relationship for a minute! I have met countless women (Ok men too, but on this subject, more women); friends, colleagues, clients, ladies at community events who I have spoken to on the subject.

Another BIG passion of mine!

For a long time, I was running limiting beliefs about my desire to have a life-partner that I was aligned and connected with at a soul level. To have an emotional connection with them … after I figured out what the F an emotional connection meant for me LOL. Which developed into someone who had common interests, similar views on life and goals for the future (among a long list of other things!)

Yet, the voice in my head, the ‘track’ I was running, sounded nothing like that. The voice in my head would down play, minimize, reduce my wants, my wiring! It reduced it to things like “I am independent, I am ok on my own, I’ve got this!”, “who needs the headaches, I should just settle, I am tired of waiting for what does not seem to be coming to me”.

What the actual F$%k was that little monkey mind thinking?!! (That’s what the voice sounds like now! LOL)

From a young age, I believed in ‘true love’. Sure, that has evolved since I was 8 years old  (slightly 😉) and grown into much more clarity of what ‘true love’ and an aligned relationship means to me. Back in the days of Disney Fairy-tale movies is where the dream began!!!

What I have come to see now is, I am wired to want what I want!!! 😊 – YOU are wired to want what you want!!

Instead of running the track of what I thought I didn’t want, I started running the track of what I WANTED out with a life-partner love. And it doesn’t stop there; I listened to videos, read books, and worked with a life coach to work through the limiting beliefs, got clear on what I wanted and with the help, guidance and accountability from my coach, I took massive action to get to this place of receiving an aligned relationship.

Two years ago, after the culmination of a marriage engagement that did not feel aligned for me, I didn’t know where to turn to start rebuilding and figuring out what I wanted.

After the years of work I have done to co-create and get clear on what it is I want for my self and in a relationship with an aligned partner, I have pulled together the powerful pieces that helped me. I have created a Relationship Guide to Aligned Love.  It will be up on my website before Christmas – stay tuned!

I want to leave you with this story that cemented in my belief in Fairy-Tale love.
At a Women’s Day event a few months after my engagement/relationship ended, I met an amazing mentor, spirit guide and friend – Kelly Benoit, who was co-facilitating the event. Kelly is a medium and intuitive; Check her out on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Intuitive.Kelly.Benoit/ or on her website http://www.kellybenoit.com/ – she is incredible!!

As soon as we met I knew I wanted to get to know her better and have a reading done with her. Kelly connects with spirit and you essentially and delivers messages through writing. I’ll never forget what she said to me in that first session as she read the messages for me to receive.

Her exact words were: “Yes, you can absolutely have fairy-tale love”

…I froze in my chair. I was shocked and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She had no way of knowing, because we had never talked about my beliefs in romantic relationships. Those were the words I used, that was what I held onto deep down inside. It had just been surfacing lately again and I was pushing it down. I was ‘looking the other way’ and discrediting what my heart and soul wanted, what I believed so deeply was true and possible for me.

I left my session with Kelly feeling re-ignited. I regained some hope that I felt I had lost. And while this is one of the many pieces of the journey to my finding an aligned relationship, it was huge catalyst.

I am very grateful for being connected with Kelly, to further explore spirituality. I think it is SO important that while we are on this journey back to loving ourselves and finding our truest selves and what we want for our lives, along the way we also need the support and encouragement from others. The positive encouragement to keep pushing us towards our dreams.

After all, we are wired to want what we want!!

Dream BIG my friends,
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How being able to receive affects the cashflow!

 

Ahhh giving and receiving!

This weeks’ video really captures what this whole concept is all about! It especially hit me in the face (figuratively and for lack of better term!) when I stepped into the world of Entrepreneurship & venturing out in the Business World.

That said, no matter the industry you are in, if in the corporate world, etc. both personally and professionally there is a direct correlation between how we receive the seemingly ‘small’ things compared to receiving monetarily.

Compliments can be the simplest way to receive and yet also one of the most difficult things to accept graciously and end at that. From experience and observation there is a need to make excuses, to down play accomplishments, to discredit ourselves for work well done or major accomplishments achieved.

We come by it honestly and from what I have witnessed and observed is that people do not do this consciously. It is most often outside of our conscious awareness until someone points it out to us.

Another concept within the realm of receiving that really hits home is this beautiful quote:

“If the opportunity is in front of you, you are ready for it, or else it wouldn’t be here”

Can I get a ‘HECK YES!!!’ LOL

This is everything. How often do we wish for, ask for, dream of and envision things to come about in our lives. Opportunities for business development and growth, a new experience within our jobs/careers, a new relationship that is healthy and communicative, etc. I could legit write a full page of things that we want and set out to get. How many of you are vision board creators and goal setters? And while I respect and appreciate those forms of visioning but I also believe there is another side that needs to be taken into consideration. What happens when that very thing we wished for ‘lands on our doorstep’? When it arrives, we say “oh, I’m not ready”, or “Now isn’t a good time”, “maybe when I have more money”, and on and on and onnnn.

THIS is a pure example of how we must practice getting good at receiving the compliments, the offers and gestures presented and most especially accepting the opportunities we have set out for, when they show up on our ‘door step’. I too have been a culprit and its a practice and I was given tools to break old patterns and habits to start allowing and receiving all that I am worthy and deserving of receiving.

And at that, I ask you to think about this: if you asked for these things, why is it that it is difficult to accept it when it is in front of us?

What I have learned is that it is not as straight-forward, a ‘one-size-fits-all’ answer and it depends on the individual, their conditioning through childhood and so many other factors. It is one of the areas that I dive into with coaching clients, especially business professionals who want to take their business to the next level. The common theme I see is that the client wants to receive an abundant amount of financial growth, exponential new clients on-board and increased community reach. Absolutely, it makes complete sense to want all of that.

…It also means that the business owner, corporation manager, sales professional (whom ever this connects with) needs to grow and increase in their own right; growing personally, levelling up to be able to receive all that comes with that growth to be the person who can receive all that they asked for and be able to manage at that next level, all of what comes with that ‘up level’. And 9/10 times, the strategic pieces are lined up, the individual knows what needs to happen from a logical, structured and systematic space.

And that’s where our coaching comes in, I dive in with clients to uncover whatever is preventing the expansion and BOOM of growth so that they can get breakthrough to the level that they want to be achieving and receiving the success they set out for!

If this is something you have been struggling with or if you know someone who would benefit from receiving  😉  help to move to the next level of growth in their lives personally and/or professionally, I encourage you to reach out. I offer a complimentary discovery call to find out more about the process and pricing and to discuss what coaching options would specifically fit you and your individual needs.
Connect with me via e-mail at info@daniellereaume.ca or phone me today to set up your free consult  416-899-9829.

What did you ask for 30, 60, 90 days ago that you want to receive? Is it showing up for you now?
Remember – it wouldn’t be sitting in front of you, ‘at your door-step’ if you weren’t ready for the opportunity!
Start with the small things, work your way up to the bigger stuff and keep striving for all you deserve!!!

Dream BIG my friends,
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Finding Joy in the Journey!

There’s always this ‘bittersweet’, ‘catch-22’… call it what you will. Its that spot between wanting to be at the end of the journey, to arrive at what has been building and anticipated. While also not wanting it to come and go too quickly (well the fun and positive things anyways!)

One of the most relatable ways it comes up for me is with vacations and travel! I LOVE to travel and explore new parts of the world and there is a great anticipation & excitement leading up to the travel.

When I traveled to South East Asia there were also other factors that came up throughout the process; “unpredictable’s”, fears around travelling to a foreign country where English was not the first language. Different customs, geography and “lay-of-the-land”. I thought about my safety while over there and also combatted friends and families ‘concerns’ and/or tips along the way. Knowing full well that the tips and guidance, etc. was all with the best of intentions. It also meant navigating through what were the things that I was concerned about and what were the things that others brought to my attention that were not part of my thought processes or concern at the time.

At the beginning of the planning process, gearing up for the literal travel journey was another entire journey and process on its own! For any of us who have ever started something new, planned an event, business idea/project or an extended travel, we often start out with little or no experience in our “tool belt”. And rightfully so, if we have never done something, we have to learn how and the learning is in the doing.

For some, the step-by-step planning process comes very easily; knowing what to do first, second, third, etc. Putting a methodical, researched and structured plan into place. For others, we know the end result – we want to travel to X, Y, & Z but all of those steps in between, we have no idea how to get to.
It was only by going through the process of planning an extended international travel journey, that I am able to now know how to go about the process. I referenced friends and family who had travelled internationally, I aligned and met with professionals in the industry to gain knowledge and there was a piece of the puzzle that came unexpectedly to me. The part where other pieces of the puzzle came into play as I continued to take action on the parts of the puzzle that I found out how to connect on.

By the end of that planning journey, I certainly learned a lot! I learned some things that I would definitely not do in the future. And I also learned that as much planning, visioning and goal-setting (in any area of life) – there is only so much that you can plan for and then other pieces of the puzzle come into place as the travel adventure unfolds.

There were SO many amazing conversations, new connections and relationships built, learning about parts of the world I had previously not known a lot about. It was also a journey to discover the style of travelling that I most preferred.There was so much ‘joy in the journey’, the pieces that needed to be laid out to get to where I wanted to go … And that doesn’t even cover the experiences and learnings throughout the journey of travelling in SE Asia!!! I’ll save that for another time though! 😉

I encourage you to take a look back on the journeys you have had in life; taking a new course, growing a department in your company, planning and executing new strategies with your management team, becoming a parent, planning a wedding, or whatever your past Think about what you know now and what the journey was like for you? (and maybe you are in the middle of it right now). What did you learn along the way, that if there was no space between “A & Z”, you would have missed half of the learnings and joy of experiences as you went?

If you or someone you know is dreaming of travelling international and are not sure how to make it come to fruition; from getting the extended time off of work, paying for the travel while maintaining the bills that come in while you’re away or where to begin in putting all of the travel pieces together – You’re in Luck!!  I will be rolling out the guide on how to do exactly that – how to plan an extended travel holiday while working full-time & making ends meet!

Happy Thanksgiving Canadian Friends!!

Dream BIG my friends!
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Perfectionism

As I write this blog, another layer of perfectionism is being shredded! LOL

This week it’s all about Perfectionism and it started with me putting out my Vlog that connects to this Blog. I am coming to the end of a cold and cough that I have had for 4 days now. Today is day 5 and I was well enough to get out of the house and get back into work mode, while making sure I didn’t over-do-it!  It was also time to get the Vlog ready for this week and while for a moment, I tossed around the idea of post-poning it because I was sick and may not execute the message ‘perfectly’ because of coughing fits, etc., it actually helped me in two ways!

  1.  I came up with the topic for the video
  2.  I got to practice what I preach and embrace the imperfection of being sick and still sticking to the schedule and commitment of putting out content that I hold myself to

Not to mention, there were two brief coughs throughout and I fully planned on editing them out … but where would I be ‘walking the walk’ if I had done that?!? (Thank you for minding the 2 coughing moments! LOL)

Perfectionism can look different for all of us. Growing up, I remember going over to some friends’ houses who had the ‘white room’. The White Room was the definition of perfect, to me. It was a room with beautiful, pristine, white couches (that looked like they had never been sat on), beautifully clean and fluffy carpet (that looked like it had never been walked on) every vase and decorative piece placed precisely and it oozed ‘perfection’ LOL.

Through my eyes it was a lot based on appearances; an outfit that fit crisply, clean lines and the most appropriate accessories to match. The student in my class with the best grades, they were ‘perfect’. And if I were to roll it into 2018 reference – its that highlight reel, or the ‘fake news’, as one of my friends puts it!
Everything in photos and feeds on social media can look so perfect.

Amidst the throws of perfectionism, is why I love connecting with people and finding out more about their story. You never know where someone has come from, what they have overcome in their life to make them into the person that they are today.  What we view as perfectionism, or our own lacking in comparison when you never know what that persona you view of perfection is really going through, day to day.

Two big extremes from having perfect living rooms, perfect outfits vs. perfect relationships, perfect career life, etc. And at the end of the day, what perfect is to each of us, can vary extremely.

Another game-changer for me, another Brene Brown piece!  Her book, ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ was the first book I read on my personal coaching journey, recommended by my life coach.

It helped me understand perfection on a whole different level, it helped me to accept my imperfections…. myself. I was able to loosen the strict and high regard that I held myself to, the regard that was both virtually exhausted and impossible all at the same time. Reading this book allowed me to let go of so much that I was holding onto, to embrace all of my ‘stuff’.

I encourage you to think about how perfection has impacted your life; your judgement of yourself, of others, of material things or even values or qualities in you/others. Before now, did you feel unaffected by it and now giving it another glance?

From the video above; is there a mantra or a re-framing focus like ‘Good enough is good enough’ something that you can start to implement in daily tasks, how clean your house is before friends/family come over, etc.?

Where in your life can you give yourself a little slack? Cut yourself a break and go easy on yourself?

If perfectionism is something you are struggling with and want to overcome; read the book or listen to the audible by Brene Brown or reach out to me and I would be happy to have a 30 minute call to hear more about what is going on and if one of the coaching options is a good fit for you!

Dream BIG my friends,

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Be Different, Stand OUT!

I wanted to fit in, I wanted so badly to be like all of my peers. “I have to have THIS outfit, I need to take that sport, I need to get invited to ‘that girls’ party”.

Those were just a few of the thoughts and conversations that I would have throughout childhood.

I have one distinct memory from elementary school, grade 4 that stands out to me, all surrounding this concept. A time when I wasn’t wanting to be different, I wanted anything BUT to be different. I wanted to blend in as much as humanly possible.

It was my second year at this new school and I remember being in class one day and we were doing some writing in our notebooks. Depending your generation, you may remember the pale pink, blue or yellow books that were half the size of a full-page notebook. There was a black emblem for Hilroy on the front cover and on the inside pages were half a page of white space and half a page of lines. Ahhh the memories!

                                                                

I sat beside a lovely classmate, she was so sweet, kind and quiet. She was a great student and I absolutely admired her writing!!! It was DIFFERENT! It was UNIQUE! She had the smallest, precise printing and hand-writing I had ever seen! LOL. I couldn’t believe she could get so many words in one line! HA!

I thought it was so ‘cool’ that I would give it a shot… oh yes, I thought it would be cool to start writing the exact same way as her. And while I know I was just a kid and my level of reasoning of what was ‘cool’ was perhaps a bit skewed at the ripe age of 9 –  it was still the best thing since sliced bread to me!

 

I attempted changing my writing style LOL and kept it up for a little while! …. not much later, I went back to my own way of writing. Boy did it ever take a lot of effort and unnatural ability to try and write like that!

And that’s just it, the more we try and be unlike ourselves and the same as everyone else, or trying to one up someone, the amount of added effort and energy that fuels into that can be EXHAUSTING!

Being different, setting yourself apart, honing in on unique talents and abilities is where its at!

And my grade 4 experience (one of many!) reminded me of how, at such a young age, there is such a strong pressure we put on ourselves and that comes from outside sources to want to fit in, to belong, to be accepted. We are human after all and it is in our innate nature to want to belong.

Its just at what cost, does wanting to belong for the wrong reasons take a turn.

Growing up in school and into my 20’s, I lived what now feels backwards to me.  I lived a life I thought would bring acceptance and inclusion and yet the only person I wasn’t including was my TRUE self.

I was abandoning and disowning some of my best qualities. The things that made me who I am, that I am loved for and that I love about myself. Wanting to shrink and play small out of fear that I would not be accepted no longer works for me!!

I am grateful for all of the experiences that led me to where I am today. Without the experiences of trying to fit in and doing what I thought would seek a sense of belonging, I would not have had the opportunity to discover and journey down a path to tapping into what I do differently and what I can bring to the table that is like no other.

Going down the path of business ownership, I now see that all of the lessons were there to help me shed the shit that no longer served me, the stuff that wasn’t even mine, so that I could step into my truest self. This is my BIG dream, my vision for my company and my life’s purpose – to guide men and women back to a better understanding of who they are, at the core, and to embrace ALL of their authentic, genuine and unique talents and abilities to shine the brightest and be able to impact everyone that their light touches!

Dream BIG my friends,
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Change, the Name of the Game

 

Whether circumstances are changing & we are growing or the circumstances are changing & we are staying the same … its up to us to decide! 

What I share in the video this week about change, directly corresponds with Eastern Canada’s Weather/Seasons as I see it!

The beautiful Fall season right around the corner, students going back to school, back to work for professionals in the education system. A number of business owners will new clients/opportunities flowing in now that summer winds down. We get to pull out the cozy sweaters, fall boots and enjoy tasty treats that are everything ‘Pumpkin Spice’! (Confession – I don’t even drink/eat the pumpkin spice stuff…. Its just the cool #ref from what I understand LOL)

Its all bittersweet which is a lot how ‘change’ can be. Because if all things stayed the same then there would be no growth, no new experiences and no appreciation for the past experiences that brought us to where we are today.

Like the weather; as much as many of us would love to have warmer temperatures year  round, there is something special about the changes that come from winter to spring, to summer and then fall. Different seasons bring different milestones and holiday celebrations. Times to ramp up and hit the books/get down to business, as well as times to rest and recharge.

There were 2 significant times in my life that stand out right now,  when I personally went through massive changes in life that I didn’t feel equip to navigate through. And although not everyone will have experienced the same life changes I went through and I will not know some big changes that others go through, I believe we are all connected in how the experiences make us feel and the various lessons we gain from them.

Two big events that stand out for me that I want to touch on for today’s purposes:

  • Loosing my Dad suddenly in my early 20’s
  • The end of a serious romantic relationship and ‘almost’ marriage

In that order; first with the loss of my Dad I had no idea how to move through that drastic, traumatic life-changing event. It started out with crying myself to sleep every night. Coupled with drinking more and being co-dependent in relationships. At the time I didn’t even consider getting help or speaking to someone about it. It was three weeks of ‘down time’ and then right back into the motions of life. Trying to make some ‘normality’ out of what would never be ‘normal’ again

The second life-changing event, coincidentally would be a two-parter, I didn’t recognize at the time. First it was the transition to living with someone! When I got into the serious relationship and went from a long distance relationship to living with and buying a house with my boyfriend… it went zero to 100 REAL quick! That right there was a BIG change… having never lived with a significant other before, it sure brought up some ‘stuff’ as we moved through that change. The biggest change in that part of life came at the culmination of the relationship, on how to navigate through what it looked like to break up, cancel wedding plans and sell a house all at the same time, while adding in all the stuff I wanted to ignore at the time… you know, the emotional ‘stuff’!
That time around I started to use the internet as my voice of knowledge. Googling all sorts of stuff to try and navigate through the feelings and emotions. Looking for blogs of people who had been through anything similar to try and find a bit of a like-minded support system.

I often repeat the phrase “If I knew then what I know now” …. Geez I feel my maturity creep up the more I say it! LOL.

I spent YEARS moving through life with the heavy, heavy weight of my Dads death and unresolved pain stuffed below the surface. Unknown to me, I thought it was safely tucked away, out of sight, out of mind.
Now I know that although it was tucked deep down, it was still running a whole lot of the show in my every day life. From the romantic relationships I was attracting, overwhelm, people-pleasing syndrome (that developed sooner but became stronger) and an attached in all types of other relationships and scarcity around ‘people leaving’ if I got too close.

I am grateful now to have the tools to move through significant life-changing events and to be able to resource and even have the strength and awareness to ask for help when I am coming up against something painful or significant.

What I came to learn is that through all of these major events, some of the most amazing times were just on the other side of the pain. Of the unforeseen pain.

Change can result in many different forms and what I found helped the most is resourcing and getting guidance. I absolutely found some comfort in the reading and research of tips on how to move through the change and troubling times. The most transformative difference for me came when I resourced and asked for help. I didn’t exactly know it at the time, when my friend recommended a process that a Life Coaching offered. It was right up my alley and I was curious so I took a chance on a method I had barely heard of.

There came a point where the reading of books and blogs and getting tips online served its purpose and it was time I started digging into and clearing up the past so that I could focus on the future and set goals and then take action on all that I wanted to achieve.

I am SO grateful for my process and all of the tools that helped me at various stages and to now have the ability to use them with my clients. I love educating and guiding them through the ever-changing life events that along, to with support, new strategies and tools to start implementing right away.

If you or someone you know would connect and related to what I shared and is interested in learning more about Life Coaching, I have created a 4 week program to provide some of the tools that I found most powerful in my journey and to introduce Coaching to my community in the form of an interactive group setting.

For more information email me at info@daniellereaume.ca or phone me at 416-899-9829
The event page can be found at Live Your Life Purpose Program

Dream BIG my friends!
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Pivoting … Not just for Basketball!

As I shared in the vlog this week, I attended a really interesting networking last year with a group called Company of Women . For this particular month it was an event hosted just outside of Barrie at an Equestrian Farm where we were lead through group and individual activities with a horse ‘in tow’!  The experience taught and refreshed skills on building teams, leadership, getting outside of the box of some of our innate and wired ways of thinking and so much more!

I was blown away at how much I learned. Most especially I saw how accustom I was to communicate in a specific way and the exercise allowed us all to stretch outside of ‘comfortable’ ways that we are used to. We had to get creative; sometimes we were leading the horse through obstacles and had no instructions, just certain landmarks to pass with the horse or restrictions. The horse followed our every move when leading through so if the horse was supposed to walk over a bar and we as the horses guide went around the bar, the horse would follow. It was a great lesson in leading by example and ‘walking the walk’. Being in integrity with our actions and words in all areas is so important and if we expect something from someone in our lives, we also have to be open to doing what we expect of others.

After the individual exercises,  as a group we had to lead the horse through obstacle courses. One in particular, we all had to be attached by one hand and each team member had a sense taken away. One blind-folded, one with ear plugs in and one was not able to speak and had to use other gestures…. all the while we had to be connected to each other with either our right or left arm. It was hilarious and a great ‘obstacle’ to tackle!

One big awareness from the activity was how noticeable it was of the group members who wanted to take charge and lead the group vs. the members that followed direction from others and flowed with the direction of the person(s) who took on leadership roles in directing us through the course. Another big ah-ha for me was how we were so focused on the instructions and one set way of achieving what the instruction card was asking us to do. At the end of the exercise (as I explain in the video too) we hadn’t realized that there were other ways of achieving what the card asked. We took the instructions very literally! The idea was to get the horse’s foot onto a small patch of turf grass. A massive, heavy weight animal onto one tiny piece of turf and we couldn’t all be within the parameter where the grass was. In a nutshell it was a big task (literally!!). We weren’t successful in getting the horses foot on the patch of turf but the learnings blew my mind LOL.

After each activity, the instructor debriefed with us and we recapped our thoughts and take-away’s from the activities. From the last one mentioned, she brought our attention to the fact that the turf grass was moveable and we could have gently lifted the horse’s foot off the ground and placed the turf patch underneath it…. mind=blown!!!

I took that lesson home with me and can apply it in so many areas of business, relationships, and so much more. It made me realize that I can be open to alternative ways of achieving the goals and vision that I set out for myself. That the relationships I have do not have to be contained to a one-size-fits-all box. We as humans are unique and no one person is the same. What works in one relationship, doesn’t work in the next. What process I use with one client works wonders for Client A, for Client B the same structure and process would not apply.

Being flexible and adjustable to pivot and change methods in a project, in a relationship, or other ways I may not have thought of, has huge value. Allowing the ability to broaden and expand goals and vision. Is it possible that there is another way to achieve the goal you set out, that couldn’t initially be seen based on the knowledge and experience when starting out? Once a project, goal or vision is underway and you can see what is working and what isn’t, it can spark a revised plan, an opportunity to pivot to achieve the same goal, just in a slightly different direction that you once weren’t aware was possible.

I encourage you to think about this concept this week, is there an area in your life where you have put certain ‘rules’ in place or a plan that you must follow, even if it may be proving to not be getting the desired results? Is there an area you can adjust, pivot and try a new approach? Release a rule that has been holding you to something that no longer serves you?

Expand, release and have a great week!!

Dream BIG my friends
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