Leaning IN & Leaning ON – Get Curious!

 

First a side note! The more I write and record on various topics connected to life; business, relationships, health, etc. the most common theme I run into from a place of creation and living is, in some way, shape or form –  the ‘Comfort Zone’. I relate a lot to this and it has become connected to a lot of areas between where I am and who I am becoming along the journey. When developing new skills and abilities, the ‘Comfort Zone’ is pushed and once we get out of it and then once we master a new skill or ability, or situation in life, another ‘Comfort Zone’ shows up for us to push through. Forever up levelling!

In this weeks’ vlog Leaning In was front and centre. Another ‘Comfort Zone’ push, in my opinion because it means to me: getting closer to the stuff that I don’t want to look at.
The concept for me is specifically leaning into the discomfort, the parts that are emotionally present. The parts that connect us to our closest relationships with others and ourselves most especially.

The video highlights a lot to do with Leaning IN and then synchronicity has it that I had a great conversation with a friend about  ‘Leaning ON’, after that video was recorded. And it’s the kind of Leaning On that you might not think of when hearing that!

This form of ‘leaning on’ came up in our conversation when we were talking about business and the behavioural styles within leaders, organizations, etc. Confession: I totally geek-out with that kind of conversation!
Specifically in that we can get caught up, as business professionals, to lean quite heavily on specific skills sets that we have developed. Skills that may be 10, 20 years running, that become crutches to lean on.
And the caution with that, what I have found anyways, is that those skills can get leaned on so strongly that an individual solely utilizes skills from this one ‘tool box’. They are repeated and repeated. Without adjustment, new creation, outside-of-the-box thinking, trying new ways of doing things.
Completely recognizing that we all are doing the best we can with the resources that we have and behaviours over time can become repetitious and unaware to a person closest to it – the person emulating the behaviour.

What can be done about this? A few things:

It comes back to the Leaning IN concept from the video – to me, it takes reflection. Getting Curious 🙂

Below are a few ways get curious and questions to ask yourself: 

  • Take a look at  the content being shared in your business
  • Has the content been repeated for more than a year without any changes?
    *
    What ways can you change the content if that is the case?
  • Has the demographic of who you are presenting to changing?
  • Is there something more that can be learned, sourced and delivered by another person in a complimentary field of expertise?
  • Can you connect with 3-5 people who have attended your event/seminar/program in the past or who you respect and fits your target market that you can ask focused questions to figure out what could be added, adjusted or changed?

As with Social Media (it seems to be pointed out the most right now) and a lot of other areas of life; time continues to move forward, things are ever-changing and staying current and up-to-date with everything from information to technology, to how to genuinely interact with and create authentic interpersonal relationships – we have to continue to adapt and grow.

I encourage you to think about an area of life you can update a skill or a relationship. Is there an area of interest or a hobby you have wanted to take-up that you have been avoiding because you have a current interest that you do so well?

Is there a system, skill or presentation in your work that could use a little extra TLC, UMPH, you name it!

Lean in and get curious, ask yourself a question that will challenge the old pattern and mix things up a bit!

Dream BIG my friends,
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Shifting Perspectives Shifts Results!

I couldn’t get over the trick my eyes were playing on me last week! As I shared in the video, I was looking down the fairway to the 3rd hole green on a golf course that I have played many times and it looked different.

I wasn’t sure if I was losing it, if I needed glasses or if it was in fact, different in some way!

It was profound in that moment because I saw how much it applied to my life. I can look at a situation from a defensive prospective, from a stance of victimhood, etc. or from a healthier place.  I have control of how I look at the situations and how sometimes seeing a new perspective; whether looking at it from a different ‘angle’ or through the influence of another person reframing the situation – it can change.

When I think of examples of how it has applied to life from a non-golf reference, I consistently come back to a concept I learned about communicating and relating to people.

“Accept the Other Person’s Model of the World”

Everyone has different values, beliefs and ideals. In order to communicate with others effectively, it is important to accept their ideas. It by no means has to become our way of thinking. Simply by accepting their ideals, we open up our minds to the possibility of making a deeper connection with people.

By allowing ourselves to accept the other persons’ model of the world, we are able to be more compassionate, more effective communicators and most of all, more accepting of the people who are different from us.

This concept can immediately shift you into looking at a different perspective because it allows you to consider the point of view, opinion, etc. that a person is presenting to you, in a context of where they are coming from, for what they model in their concept of the world. Some of the most common examples are political beliefs, religious beliefs, parenting styles, career choice – to name a few.  I felt a lot of freedom once I considered this lesson on Models of the World and I hope that this message can shed some light or a new way of thinking/looking at things for you too!

This week I encourage you to think about someone in your life whom you previously had difficulty communicating with and/or understanding. When you are with them next practice accepting their model of the world and consider where they are coming from. Listen intently and respect their viewpoint. See if something shifts for you, if it changes your outlook, if you understand and make sense of it differently than before. Perhaps you will hear them in a new way – be open to test it out and have fun with it!!

Dream BIG my friends,
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Why Taking Time for #1 Enhances Business & Personal Life

This week I had the pleasure of sitting down with Melissa Ferguson, Owner of ‘Beauty and Babes’ Salon in Barrie.
As shared in the Vlog, Melissa rebranded the concept of her Salon when she recently became a mom and saw how important and also neglected self-care can be once you become a mom.

Along with other things in life; when  a huge shift or change to our ‘every day’ occurs, more or new responsibility is added, etc., time can quickly become consumed by the life shift.

Becoming a parent, starting a new business, switching careers, becoming a main care-giver for an ill parent/family member are some of the ways in which responsibilities in life change and when that happens, often times self-care is the first thing to be neglected or dismissed altogether. When new priorities are added, timing and schedules are changed and adjusted and without re-evaluation brings in the loss of the other important priorities that were once present.

In the past 6 months or so I have done a lot of work and research around scheduling and timing, making non-negotiables in day-to-day activities and getting more purposeful in how timing is allotted.I have learned that that is a key to help with managing life when new priorities come up and to best maintain a healthy lifestyle. The maintenance most-definitely includes self-care.

As Melissa and I discussed in this video, typically when we have this life-changing, added responsibility come into our lives, the first thing to go is self-care. We both have found that when intentional planning and scheduling ‘life’ is implemented, it has great positive effects.

I have learned over the course of this area of learning has been an ever-flowing and evolving system that needs to be re-evaluated and adjusted as life priorities change, especially when things change drastically.

On my Vlog last week I discussed the concept of  Freedom Vs. Discipline (View the video here!)  and how when it comes to schedules and timing, there are different ways to go about it and how the two mesh togethe. Some individuals do best with a rigid schedule where everything is noted by the hour… or even the minute, in some cases LOL. Others prefer a schedule that has a lot of open space for flexibility because they find that when there is room for spontaneity some of the best creation, opportunities and enjoyment are created.

Everyone has a different method to their ways. Some schedule styles are more dictated by certain responsibilities that individuals have in life.

What I found works for me is to have a schedule and use it as a strike guideline. There are times when things change in the schedule because there are certain pieces out of my direct control. Its in those spaces and moments of change where new opportunities or other things and adjustments can be made. Other times, there is added inspiration or content to give to a creative task that I have that directly fits with and is what is needed to do the activity/complete the task!

I encourage you to think about your life and priorities. Is self-care something that shows up for you and is a part of your weekly schedule? Is it something that falls to the bottom of the list and gets forgotten about?

If you don’t currently follow a schedule for life, I would recommend trying it for a week to see if it makes a difference. Get as detailed or vague as you need, see if it makes a difference.

Some would say that if it is not in the calendar, it won’t get done. Make yourself a priority, add in time for you, even it is a half an hour a week to start off. Self-care can take so many forms; reading, journaling, eating a meal alone, watching a movie, getting pampered with a new hair style, manicure, playing a sport you love, etc. It is about doing something for YOU, with YOU with the intention to connect to yourself and show yourself some TLC.

With creating time for yourself in your schedule and the other things you have to do, it can create great habits, discipline and inevitably freedoms!

Dream BIG my friends Image result for heart symbol,
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When Business ‘Worlds’ Collide… in the Best Way!

I had a great time collaborating with Craig Ripley this week of Podium Prosperity Group!

After many conversations at our Business Marketing group meetings, we realized how many parallels with Life Coaching and Financial Advising there are. We wanted to highlight some myths and share some synergies with the two industries and life in general!

Some of the top ‘take-away’s and ah-ha moments that I gained from the experience:

1. Have a plan and be open to it evolving.

As with finances; the same applies for our life goals, achieving tasks and getting the results that we set out for. This week I was reminded of the power of the combination of having a plan and knowing where I want to go and also being flexible and having an open-mind about it. I used to get so stuck on things going a particular way and according to that first set plan (As in the blog from two weeks ago on ‘Plan B’! http://daniellereaume.ca/are-you-reacting-or-creating/)

I now see how important it is to have a focus and idea of how we want to get there COMBINED with staying open minded. The component of ‘Expectations’ or ‘Scarcity Mindset’ speak loudly to me with this one. Being flexible and open to new paths that show up in life can bring even BETTER results than originally plan. Why limit the potential and adjustments that can come when we are in the space to receive all that is coming to us and being provided for our highest good.

Scarcity Mentality is defined as “The belief that everything is limited, that there is not enough of the ‘piece of pie’ to go around”.

And when the word is broken down it reads ~ Scar-City. How I interpret it is and how it connects to life coaching is that when we are in Scarcity mindset, there has been old hurts, experiences in our past that trigger our scars and then our minds feel the limits that the scars developed in us.

The way I have noticed scarcity creeping in is when I realize I am getting fixated on there only being one outcome that I want to have/will ‘accept’ for myself. It used to show up for me when I was applying to jobs or waiting to get accepted to a program. Sometimes even in dating LOL.
Realizing that there are various ways that the outcome can unfold and focusing intention and affirmations around “What is the best outcome for me and allowing it to unfold easily and effortlessly” is a huge help. Another way to shift is to step back. Recognizing and having the awareness is another step toward shifting to being open to what else may evolve.

Just like in financial planning; be open to the plan and your path evolving with time.

2. The connection to emotions and previous personal experience around finances

Finances can be one of the top things that people do not want to look at or address in life. I can speak personally when I share that I too did not want to go down the path of financial awareness, knowledge, etc.

I loved when Craig mentioned that 9 times out of 10, a persons financial situation is not nearly to the degree than what our slick minds have made it up to be.

I find it to be true to so much of the ‘monkey mind’ that tried to run my thoughts before I started to get coaching and realized that most of what I was thinking, I was making up! And the level it affected me was overbearing a lot of the time.

A lot of what comes from sitting down with a ‘coach’ or professional in any capacity, whether in health, mind, finances, etc. is that we are asking for help! We are getting guidance from someone who specializes in that particular field. The benefits of getting an understanding, knowledge and awareness of the current situation and options, tools and resources to use in our future gives such a great deal of benefit. Peace of mind, support, knowledge, a plan and preparation are just a few of the incredible ways that life is enhanced when consulting with professionals who can help you navigate areas of life that may not come ‘first hand’ to you.

Dream BIG my friends Image result for heart symbol

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Conformity or Non-Conformity?!

 

Two years ago life was really different! I am SO excited to share my new phase of business that has been developed!

It was two years ago that I started thinking about what I wanted, who I wanted to be and how I wanted to spend my life – I started co-creating and designing a life I want to live.

When I got into a space where I was dreaming BIG dreams and goals again, one of the goals was to facilitate training programs with groups, LIVE! I love the live component, the growth that comes from the entire group experiences, opinions, angles of the teaches and sharing that collectively as a group.

I have taken Dale Carnegie courses, Toast Masters and most recently training in Neuro Linguistic Program and I came to see that my biggest passions are in this personal and professional development area.

In Asia, I dreamed of facilitating as part of the Dale Carnegie Branch or another development group.

What I never saw coming was the development that has been an 8+ month process. It started as an idea, then some brainstorming and after a round of coaching with my personal life coach and now working with a strategic business coach, all of the pieces have come together!

I am SO excited to have created this program that allows Business Professionals to design a harmonized life lived on purpose!

I have taken my extensive background in leadership training programs and qualifications to bring forward this powerful and game-changing course!!

And as divine timing would have, as mentioned in the video above, I stumbled upon a quote from a role-model friend of mine, Kelly Benoit who said “When you are not conforming, you are growing”.

It was EXACTLY what I needed to read in that moment.  In was in the days leading up to the first official promotions of this program and naturally, when we are stretching out of the ‘comfort zone’, this little super-imposed box that I felt so safe in, started to feel like the walls were about to come down. And then reading those 8 words, it clicked. I am not conforming with this, I am going against what I have known to do in the past. I am doing something new, something that excites and lights my soul on fire. It is a time of growth, it is a time when I definitely feel like I am ‘going against the grain’. When I have had opportunities to run and host programs that have already been designed and materials created. When I could have a business colleague to run this with and instead I am taking the leap of executing solo. When it would be so comfortable to take one of the many ‘roads’ just mentioned. In that moment, I realized I have to stretch my own boundaries and push the limits on my own self-impose box and rules and DO THIS!

I ask you to think about the concept of conformity;  Have you lived life according to other peoples approval or for what is socially acceptable? Do you feel like you want to break the ‘rules’ and the standards/status quo? Do you want to figure out what YOU truly want, need, aspire to and live a harmonized life?

If you I would LOVE to connect with you to discuss this course further and see if it is a fit for you!

Dream BIG my friends Image result for heart symbol

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Let’s Connect!

info@daniellereaume.ca

https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/live-your-life-on-purpose-course-tickets-47718437130?aff=ebdssbdestsearch

Are You Reacting or Creating?

The story in the video, of this weeks’ “water shortage”, was just the beginning. Later on,  I was at an event where some women and I shared our stories and a concept from one of them struck a cord.

The woman told a powerful story and one of the messages was about how we can become so Reactive in our lives. Going through situations and spaces in life almost on auto pilot, unaware of our actions and/or feelings because of how automatic they have become.
As with my water experience earlier this week, there were multiple times where I went to turn on the tap, in such an unconscious fashion. Only to be reminded that there was none!

In a post on Facebook this week I referenced the analogy of learning how to drive a standard (stick shift) car and it was in a different context as to why I used it as an example but I am going back to the car reference today with the idea of Reactive. Driving a car was once a skill that I had to give thought to of every step in the process; when to push down the clutch, knowing when to switch gears, etc.
Years later, I get in and GO! If I were to be asked today, how to drive a standard car I would struggle to be able to break down each step, one by one because it was so  second-nature.

And when I heard the woman’s story about being Reactive in our lives it hit me – I hadn’t thought about it in a while and just after she said it , I had various areas of life (besides with running water LOL) go through my mind and I questioned whether there were spaces that I had became reactive to again in life.

There have certainly been more than one big significant event r time in life that has shaken things up and been  the exact opposite of reactive. One of them was when I spent time in South East Asia in 2016. It was the first time in a long time that I was the exact opposite of reactive. From not knowing where I was going geographically (which I was usually always in control of back home because I drove myself everywhere and had not relied on public transit in years), to brushing my teeth with a water bottle to not risk contamination from the water. Some times the washrooms were simply cement sink holes that you stood over. That’s right, no toilet seat, no toilet paper! … thank gosh for the abundance of hand wipes that I carried with me 🙂

And every day choices; sometimes there was a tour guide with specifics of where to go and what to do, but there was so much choice, deciding each day how to spent it, what would be fulfilling for ME, in that day, in those moments. There was something about being completely out of my home environment that shifted inside of me. I felt freedom to make decisions for me and only me. And yet, it was foreign at the beginning. I was so used to basing decisions on other people, what they would think, what would they want to do for SO much of my life at home in Canada.
I completely respect when in a group travel experience, business collaboration, etc. for including others in decisions. For me, this time, it was the ability to make individual decisions for myself and get rid of the filters I used to run my decisions on, basing them on other peoples wants, needs, preferences and ‘what would they think of me’ attitude.

What that experienced allowed me to do was to come back to Canada to start fresh. From the day I returned from SE Asia, I decided to live a life that fuelled my passions and ignited a fire within me. To choose every day, the path and decisions that I most want for myself. The things that take me towards my goals and saying no to what doesn’t serve me. To constantly check in with myself to ensure that I am taking response-ability and action every day.

One of my favourite quotes, is something that I feel has been used in the reverse for so long, but this quote exactly pegs how I feel empowered to life life today:

The way I encourage you to move from reactive living to purposeful living is to ask yourself what it is that you can create. Who is it that you want to be and then what is it that you want to do most, when you are being your authentic self? When that is aligned, you are in the ‘flow’ of creation!

Dream BIG my friends Image result for heart symbol
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The F word that changed the experience, of the experience!

 

The more I ‘fail’, the more I appreciate the whole idea of it!

I realize that we all label ‘Failure’ differently. Failure comes in all different ways, depending on who you ask. What I learned from my experience at the speaking/presentation at the end of May is that when I am not prepared (and my prepared is by no means in extensive detail lol), it means that I need to seek out the clarity; ask questions, set intentions for my contribution and set my own guidelines and parameters for what I want to deliver.

For some, this would not measure up to a Failure. Others may never have imagined going into a presentation with a lack of preparedness.

At the end of the day, in whatever way you feel you failed at something, big or small, ALWAYS remember –

Failure is only FEEDBACK

Immediately after the event, I felt mixed about the experience. This time, the ‘monkey mind’ chatter in my head was leading up to the event. By the time the event finished, I recognized that it was in the past and I don’t have the ability to change the past, I can only adjust for the future!

My favourite way to spell responsibility is Response- Ability; it is my ability to choose how I respond to any given situation, in any given moment.

In this situation, I decided to take Response-Ability for my actions, for that I could have done differently to make the experience more valuable for the group. It allowed me to reflect on the style of presentation that feels most natural, fun and confident for me and that in the future I will honour those three criteria when developing a presentation.

“Fail fast and fail often”

I used to cringe every time I heard this quote. I had a fear of failure and wanted to make sure things were absolutely perfect so that I had no way of failing. Which we all know is really realistic…

What I know now and want to leave with you is that there is a part missing from that quote. The part that explains that the more often you fail, the more you know what you want to change, what you want to do differently, what you enjoy and want to keep doing more of. It is simply feedback, it is a barometer to help point you in a new direction. A little nudge to get you closer to what you want! And through reflection and taking Response – Ability, you can move through the F word with more ease and comfort.

Dream BIG my friends Image result for heart symbol
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The Buzz Word Thats’ Got Me Like…UGH!

Oh Vulnerability!

I have a Love/Hate Relationship with this concept… ever since the first time I saw a TED Talk by Brene Brown (Click here for the talk) and my world was opened up to a whole new take on it!

Truly, I had never heard of Vulnerability in a positive connotation. I was always trying to avoid it at all costs and thought it was an evil thing LOL

What I now know is that the way that I can have the most positive and powerful things in my life (the love part of the relationship) is by stepping towards and into Vulnerability and embracing all of the uncomfortable feelings that come with it (the hate part of the relationship with it!). A necessary evil is what it has become for me.

As I write this, I am realizing that Vulnerability has a lot of relatable ties to the Comfort Zone and stretching outside of it (as mentioned in last weeks’ blog here).

I have learned that there various ways in life to step into Vulnerability and when I do, I learn new ways of doing the experience. Experiences that, in the past, may have meant avoiding Vulnerability altogether.

It reminds of times in my dating life, specifically (I know there are areas of my life but Vulnerability always comes up in the relationship side of things and with dating specifically for me!).

I will never forget my first heart-break. I am sure we can all relate to that first time we really felt our hearts were exploding into a million pieces because of the painful emotions that were surfacing. And the worst part, for my first heart break was that I felt so out-of-control. As if I could not do anything about it. So much so, that I remember physically barely being able to function.

I was in my last year of High School and with 3 months before the year was over and I would head off to College, I met the closest thing to a ‘high school sweetheart’ that I dated. He had graduated from the same school about 3 years prior and I had always known of him, he had that popular-guy reputation!

I IDOLIZED him! He was a DREAM BOAT!!

Perfect blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, fit ;), drove a manly truck, was kind, thoughtful, funny, COOL (I was 18 years old, this was a BIG deal!!) Everything I had ever imagined… and drooled over in the teen romantic comedies I watched LOL.

And to add to it, my Prom was coming up and I had a cool, good-looking, BOYFRIEND to bring as my date to the Prom! Life could NOT get any better!

We had a spring and summer of “first-love” (for me, anyways!). Prom was a blast, we visited his cottage a few times that summer with friends and family, golfed  together and had great date nights! I was close with his mom and dad and sisters and it was the time of my life!
It was 5 months of bliss… until it all came crashing down. (To this day I don’t believe we broke up for any real tangible reason. And its really here nor there).

What I want to touch on is what it did to my world.

… It literally ROCKED it!! It was weeks before the summer came to an end and I would head off to college. I spent the first two days of the break up in bed; awake crying or sleeping. I had no appetite.  I was a lifeguard and swim instructor at the local pool and I remember going to teach lessons feeling completely numb. It was like my body was there and present but my mind was on another planet.

Why I share this story is especially because of what took place afterwards.

Into my college years and early adult years in the workforce I dated and kept looking for my prince charming … lol.  I put myself back out there. There was just one difference from “Prom Boyfriend” days.

This time, I was dating very cautiously…if that’s the best word to describe it!

And by cautiously I mean; I was either dating guys who I was minimally invested in, who I knew felt ‘safe’ to date because I liked them, but not nearly close to how I felt about “Prom Boyfriend”. I didn’t feel the Vulnerability aspect much. The other spectrum was; I would date someone until right around the 6 month mark and then I’d Peace the F out!! Just as the feelings started to grow stronger and the relationship could take a more serious path.

In a nutshell; I would PUMP the Breaks on Vulnerability.

I felt SO vulnerable and  out of my comfort zone when I dated “Prom Boyfriend”.  I was experiencing a relationship at a whole new level, I was experiencing so much joy, happiness and connectedness  (that an 18 year old new to the dating world can have LOL). It was all so wonderful and vulnerability was the key. I was allowing myself to step into the unknown, to let my heart be exposed.

One of the key concepts that Brene Brown talks about in her research with Vulnerability is that Worthiness, Self-Worth is directly attached to Vulnerability.

The last few years I have read more about Vulnerability and have come to see so many positive things that come from being vulnerable when I have taken the courage steps, said the words that I was afraid to communicate to others, etc. To put myself back out on the ‘dating market’ in December of last year, this time allowing someone in who I knew felt WAY riskier to date than many of the guys from my past (story in video above).

Yet it was also the first time, in a LONG time that I felt SO incredibly worthy and deserving of dating someone with the type of personality traits, lifestyle, accomplishments and otherwise that he had. I felt worthy of and deserving to venture down that avenue and knew that no matter what happened, I would come out of it extremely proud for taking the steps into Vulnerability and out of my comfort zone. And after some pain and emotional release, that is absolutely how I feel looking back on that December 2017 dating experience!

Because the one thing I do know, is that on the other side of Vulnerability are some of the best things in life! And now, I have stepped back into Vulnerability in Dating and am that much closer! 🙂

I think Brene sums it up best here, so I will end off with this powerful quote that perfectly describes the other side of Vulnerability:

“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace” – Brene Brown

I encourage you to take a step towards Vulnerability the next chance you get and trust that you are SO Worthy and Deserving of Love, Connectedness and Belonging!!

Dream BIG my friends Image result for heart symbol
D

 

 

A whole new take on the “Comfort Zone”

 

As I sat down to write this I realized how timely the topic of Comfort Zones fits given that  I am discussing the topic with an amazing group of ladies at a Company of Woman group in Barrie this week. The specific theme is  “Getting INTO Your Comfort Zone with Networking”.

The Comfort Zone is a topic that I am incredibly passionate about. I also am a firm believer in “walking the walk” and Leading By Example in all areas of life – Comfort Zone crushing included!

When I returned home from a Soul Searching, Extended International Travel Adventure in January 2017 (Click Here to read more on that adventure!) I made a commitment to myself to live outside of my Comfort Zone as often as possible. What I didn’t realize at the time was that  it was a disguise for a few other things:

  1. It was a way for me to try things that I had loved to do when I was younger, before I got so deeply sucked into the ‘grind’ of every day life. I was redefining myself through the types of events and activities I went to and participated in, that excited me and I felt passionately about. It was something I developed. I didn’t know what I would and wouldn’t like until I tried new things, or re-tried things that I had done in the past that brought me joy to see if they were still a fit.
  2. In doing these new things I was stepping out of my Comfort Zone often. There were A LOT (if not all) of the things that I felt a bit shy and scared of at one point. Sometimes in the moment, sometimes a week or two leading up to it. Yet every. single. time. I LOVED the adrenaline that came along with it. For me it, felt like I wanted to RUN screaming from the room from sometimes LOL. A perfect example is of an Adult Sass Dance Class…yes Sass hahaha. It was a class I had been to before yet for some reason, this one nigh I felt super uncomfortable.  Now I know that when I get that feeling to run , it means I am being stretched and that I am going to enjoy it once I settle in and push past this initial discomfort
  3. In speaking engagements, lip sync battle and other events I did, the majority of the learnings came from the journey getting to the stage, in th preparation and , as cliche as it sounds, the fun and growth I had during the journey I took to get there.
  4. Doing these new activities it actually helped build my confidence. Confidence is something that I searched for, most of my adult life after High School. Whenever I met someone who I deemed “confident” I would wonder how they became confident and I wanted to be able to snap my fingers and be that way. What I didn’t realize at the time is that there are layers to confidence and confidence comes in a variety of forms. It is different for different areas of life. I can be confident in business, confident in a sport I play, confident as a sister/friend/mentor/parent, confident as a Leader in an Organization, the list is endless!

Confidence is developed by taking calculated risks and successfully completing them.

Before I had participated in the speaking competition (see video above for more about that) and before I had become an Co-Host/Emcee of  a Momonday’s group, etc. I had no idea if I would succeed, if I had the confidence to carryout the  duties/speech, etc.

It was in taking those steps, in the preparations and in stepping onto those stages that I developed another piece of my public speaking confidence. It is a big puzzle, as is anything else in life. There are also so many transferable skills that developed through the processes.

The more I step out of my comfort zone, out of the familiar, to enhance my opportunities (how I like to word ‘weakness’) the more comfortable I become. And this is where I believe that I and any one else who loves pushing outside of their comfort zone comes to realize that  we are never done. There will always be areas in our lives to push outside of what is comfortable and safe, known to us.

And the best part is –  just outside of our comfort zone is where the MAGIC happens!

There is a way that the Comfort Zone and getting outside of it was described to me that I just love and below I capture some of the differences between the two:


Where to start? 

Taking action and trying new things is a great way to move forward and develop from what may have, at one time felt uncomfortable. It can start in small ways, silly as it may sound; taking a different route to work, listening to a podcast or Ted Talk on a subject to get more familiar/comfortable with the information and details, inviting a friend to an event that you want to go to that you feel shy to attend alone. So many options! And as I mentioned in the video I find GREAT  in resourcing and asking for help from people who are modeling for me what and how I want to be in the future, from people who are achieving the skills and habits that I aspire to achieve.

The biggest game-changer for my year of doing more things that excited me and I felt passionate about, pushing me outside of my comfort zone was in simply starting with one small step. I believe stretching and growing is SO achievable and I encourage you to think about what step you want to take next, towards attracting more of what you WANT in your life !!

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Link to public speaking event I mention in the video http://www.speakerslam.ca/

 

Self-development, self-discovery… SELF-Validation!

 

Last weekends’ events and some incredible conversations I had after sparked the content for this weeks’  blog!

This weekend I spent time at a cottage with girl friends who are like sisters to me. We share 15 years of friendship. We have had the best times, we have been beside each other through it all;  difficult times, amazing memories of happy times, there have been marriages and babies born, trips, new businesses created and the list goes on!

 

It was the first time, in a long time… since I have been in my Coaching Business full-time,  that I felt completely present and in the moments of the weekend. I was able to relax and enjoy the time away and I felt a calm presence.

In reflection and some conversations with others after the weekend wrapped up, I realized that there were a few things to make that happen.

In the past, while taking down time I wasn’t able to fully enjoy the moment because I was consumed with what had to get done in the days or even weeks to come. I was focused on what I SHOULD be doing, what I COULD be doing. This piece of guilt that I carried on my shoulders, the “monkey mind” that sounded something like this: “I can’t be goofy and take time off to have fun. There is work to do.  I need to be responsible, I am a business owner now”.

I heard things about the ‘hustle and grinding’ that it takes to get ahead and to be someone who is ‘successful’. That played a huge part in the disillusions that I ran in my head.

….And that’s just it. The definition of ‘Success’. For years and years I went through life looking for false validations from others. Building up my idea of what success was based on… people and things outside of me. Colleagues, friends, even people who I didn’t care for very much. I was searching and searching for outside validation.  Because as long as I had that job title (that in my head sounded SO respectful, something that OTHERS  would definitely relate to and see as ‘success’). If dated a certain ‘type’ of guy with check-list like qualities and achievements, THEN I would make it! If others approved of what I was doing, where I was working, who I was dating, THEN I could accept myself, THEN I would be truly successful.

All of this went on in my mind and beyond… some of it consciously, some  unconsciously.

And it was in the moments when I made decisions for ME, when I stepped into my power and owned what would make ME happy. In saying no to job opportunities, men that I didn’t have the same values as and other things that no longer served me, THEN I felt my power from within. I honoured what I wanted for myself and what would make me happy. I follow that as my compass (while respecting it is ecological and in my integrity).

 

When I drilled down to how I was more present and grounded and focused last weekend, I realized it was a few things that were key:

  •  Scheduling out the time in my week to complete the items in the business that needed direct attention and to be complete before heading into the weekend. Including the “turning off” I talk about in the video above. I put my phone on airplane mode for a few hours to crush out the items that need my complete focus.   This has been a game-changer for me because it has forced me to shut out the ‘squirrel’ like distractions that I can be easily distracted by!
  • Taking time to myself during the week; another game-changer for the self-care regime. This one includes scheduling in the self-care time. I have come to realize that a requirement to ‘fill my cup’ and be able to move through business and life and minimize stress, overwhelm and frustration is to honour my alone time and make it a non-negotiable. And a big piece attached to that…
  • Self-care time, ‘me’ time, is just that. What is it NOT? It is not a time to stress about and overthink what I should be doing in “me” time or otherwise.
    An example from last week is when I had time to myself and I overstressed on ‘having’ to do certain things because when scheduled the time that’s what I had in mind. Then self-care day comes and I don’t feel like reading… All I want to do it Netflix and Couch. But I fight it.  Or “I could be going for a bike ride or going for a walk outside….”
    F the should & could noise. Do YOU – letting go of the expectations I put on myself and simply asking “what do I want to do right in this moment” is my go-to now. That day, I chose Netflix and to decide what I did next, once the movie was OVER. Instead of having to have it all planned out in that moment.

The biggest takeaway and what brings me back to something I am so passionate about is “Living Life on Purpose”. I value this and love helping others who want the same for themselves, to create it. I  am building a lifestyle to live on purpose and not only carve it out, but to actually LIVE it and to lead by example.

The ‘purpose’ piece is different for everyone. What makes me ‘tick’ and happy is completely different from the next person.
In  finding my strength and voice within to define what my purposeful life looks like for me and then choosing to live purposely is where the self-validation accomplishment was achieved… And it feels so good!

To live a life of harmony; passionate work that aligns with my business/career values and fulfills me.  To be with a life-partner who I can co-create a life of shared experiences, romance, excitement, adventures, independence within the relationship and common values with. And to take time to have FUN and enjoy the time I have on this crazy journey, to make the most of it and live to the fullest expression of myself – that’s it for me!!

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