Whether circumstances are changing & we are growing or the circumstances are changing & we are staying the same … its up to us to decide!
What I share in the video this week about change, directly corresponds with Eastern Canada’s Weather/Seasons as I see it!
The beautiful Fall season right around the corner, students going back to school, back to work for professionals in the education system. A number of business owners will new clients/opportunities flowing in now that summer winds down. We get to pull out the cozy sweaters, fall boots and enjoy tasty treats that are everything ‘Pumpkin Spice’! (Confession – I don’t even drink/eat the pumpkin spice stuff…. Its just the cool #ref from what I understand LOL)
Its all bittersweet which is a lot how ‘change’ can be. Because if all things stayed the same then there would be no growth, no new experiences and no appreciation for the past experiences that brought us to where we are today.
Like the weather; as much as many of us would love to have warmer temperatures year round, there is something special about the changes that come from winter to spring, to summer and then fall. Different seasons bring different milestones and holiday celebrations. Times to ramp up and hit the books/get down to business, as well as times to rest and recharge.
There were 2 significant times in my life that stand out right now, when I personally went through massive changes in life that I didn’t feel equip to navigate through. And although not everyone will have experienced the same life changes I went through and I will not know some big changes that others go through, I believe we are all connected in how the experiences make us feel and the various lessons we gain from them.
Two big events that stand out for me that I want to touch on for today’s purposes:
- Loosing my Dad suddenly in my early 20’s
- The end of a serious romantic relationship and ‘almost’ marriage
In that order; first with the loss of my Dad I had no idea how to move through that drastic, traumatic life-changing event. It started out with crying myself to sleep every night. Coupled with drinking more and being co-dependent in relationships. At the time I didn’t even consider getting help or speaking to someone about it. It was three weeks of ‘down time’ and then right back into the motions of life. Trying to make some ‘normality’ out of what would never be ‘normal’ again
The second life-changing event, coincidentally would be a two-parter, I didn’t recognize at the time. First it was the transition to living with someone! When I got into the serious relationship and went from a long distance relationship to living with and buying a house with my boyfriend… it went zero to 100 REAL quick! That right there was a BIG change… having never lived with a significant other before, it sure brought up some ‘stuff’ as we moved through that change. The biggest change in that part of life came at the culmination of the relationship, on how to navigate through what it looked like to break up, cancel wedding plans and sell a house all at the same time, while adding in all the stuff I wanted to ignore at the time… you know, the emotional ‘stuff’!
That time around I started to use the internet as my voice of knowledge. Googling all sorts of stuff to try and navigate through the feelings and emotions. Looking for blogs of people who had been through anything similar to try and find a bit of a like-minded support system.
I often repeat the phrase “If I knew then what I know now” …. Geez I feel my maturity creep up the more I say it! LOL.
I spent YEARS moving through life with the heavy, heavy weight of my Dads death and unresolved pain stuffed below the surface. Unknown to me, I thought it was safely tucked away, out of sight, out of mind.
Now I know that although it was tucked deep down, it was still running a whole lot of the show in my every day life. From the romantic relationships I was attracting, overwhelm, people-pleasing syndrome (that developed sooner but became stronger) and an attached in all types of other relationships and scarcity around ‘people leaving’ if I got too close.
I am grateful now to have the tools to move through significant life-changing events and to be able to resource and even have the strength and awareness to ask for help when I am coming up against something painful or significant.
What I came to learn is that through all of these major events, some of the most amazing times were just on the other side of the pain. Of the unforeseen pain.
Change can result in many different forms and what I found helped the most is resourcing and getting guidance. I absolutely found some comfort in the reading and research of tips on how to move through the change and troubling times. The most transformative difference for me came when I resourced and asked for help. I didn’t exactly know it at the time, when my friend recommended a process that a Life Coaching offered. It was right up my alley and I was curious so I took a chance on a method I had barely heard of.
There came a point where the reading of books and blogs and getting tips online served its purpose and it was time I started digging into and clearing up the past so that I could focus on the future and set goals and then take action on all that I wanted to achieve.
I am SO grateful for my process and all of the tools that helped me at various stages and to now have the ability to use them with my clients. I love educating and guiding them through the ever-changing life events that along, to with support, new strategies and tools to start implementing right away.
If you or someone you know would connect and related to what I shared and is interested in learning more about Life Coaching, I have created a 4 week program to provide some of the tools that I found most powerful in my journey and to introduce Coaching to my community in the form of an interactive group setting.