This months’ blogs are all themed around love, relationships and dating.
The February 14th edition was around self-love; finding love, self-worth and self-acceptance within, which I was previously looking for externally.
Before I reached this beautiful bliss point of my relationship with self I dipped my toes into unfamiliar waters; the wonderful world of Online Dating!!
In November 2017 I felt it was time to get back out there and take another shot at love! Summer and fall I spent on business endeavours, professional trainings, playing golf and spending time with friends and family. While it was absolutely fulfilling, a romantic relationship was on my radar but I wasn’t taking action and actually going on dates. It’s difficult to have a relationship without meeting eligible bachelors!
I was standing idly by, waiting for the dates to start falling out of thin air…. and we all know that doesn’t work! Begrudgingly there was one route in dating that I had yet to try…. That I resisted for my entire dating life to this point.
Disclaimer: I completely appreciate and respect the avenue of online dating, especially in the vastly expanded world of technology and how it is an avid part of everyday life today. Finding romance in the online arena is very common place and I have friends and family who have found great success in it! Particularly why I thought I’d give it a go!
Personally, I did not feel I was for me and swore I would never go that route and yet I had never even tried it! My biggest sticking point was that I am incredibly social and find it easy to meet new people/guys in public settings. And that was all great reasoning until I found myself in this predicament where I wanted to start dating again and was not meeting single, available men.
And so began my adventure into online dating!!
At first, I justified it by telling myself that NOW I have exhausted every dating resource LOL …Wait, I lied; I haven’t tried Speed Dating but NOT to worry, once I do I will write a blog about it and share my experience!! LOL
Before I knew it, I had an online profile created and it was game on!
My first reaction: “This is best thing since sliced bread!!”
I mean, COME ON! The process involves looking at pictures of *mostly* very attractive men, I read very interesting information on their profiles and I had a LOT of laughs seeing the ‘creative’ ways that the guys used to described themselves to sound appealing… ah… I mean… to attract women to engage in conversation with them (or whatever else there intentions are!)
I literally felt like I could swipe for days LOL. After some binge-swiping, conversations began. It didn’t take long to realize that there is something to be said about a person who can carry on a ‘text-like’ conversation past the usual; “Hey – how are you – good thanks, you?” dialogue. What I am sure won’t come as a shocker to those who know me; I got bored VERY quickly of the common place, run of the mill conversations.
And its not to say I didn’t put in a solid effort! Naturally, I took matters into my own hands and got creative with the questions I asked to get to know the guys.
As I have mentioned in past blogs, I was developing a solid understanding of what my wants in a relationship were, what qualities attracted me and what my values were. I figured I might as well rip off the band-aid and see if any of these dudes were on the same page!! No time to waste! LOL.
My questions ranged from:
“What was the last thing you did that scared you or was uncomfortable but you wanted to do it anyways?”. To which I would receive responses like “I’ve spent most of my life trying to avoid doing things that scare me”. Based on my value for busting comfort zones, my ‘internal D voice’ responded; “Onto the next one”!
Another personal fav to ask: “What was the last spontaneous thing you did?” to which I’d receive something along the lines of “I drove a different route to work today, it was great”. I respect that spontaneity looks different for all of us. My idea of spontaneity was vastly different. Again, ‘D inner monologue’ shot off “OK then, nexxxxxt”
I definitely learned pretty quickly that I would have a great opportunity to work on my lack of patience complex while “sifting through the ‘eligible’ bachelors” on the online dating platform!!
I didn’t anticipate how frustrated I would get with the lack of conversation flow (to my liking – I’m pretty particular!), or perhaps it was the fact that the questions I was asking were scaring the guys? Hahahah. One way or another, it wasn’t unfolding the way I had imagined when the swiping began! I had NO idea what to expect and that was how my experience unfolded (in a nutshell)!
Lessons the online dating ‘adventure’ taught me:
• I learned that online dating is not the platform I would prefer to meet a man. I personally didn’t find it a natural form of connection building. Being a social person, I would prefer to connect in person (or even on the telephone from an online meeting, which wasn’t transpiring with the men I was e-meeting)
• As all things in life; everyone has a unique way of doing things and part of life is figuring out what works for our own individual models of the world. I absolutely see how this route works well for so many and it brings love to couples every day!
• Online dating isn’t for everyone LOL.
The biggest take away for me was this:
I was passing judgement without experiencing first. Moving forward, I choose to stay open-minded and do things unknown before deciding if it is a fit for me.
If I didn’t experience this avenue of dating, I could have missed my match.
And now I know!
I can see how the experience of putting myself out there in a new way, out of my comfort zone can apply in so many other areas in my life. I was able to ask myself where else I have been playing small? Keeping myself safe in the little box that I know and am familiar with? Stretching out of that box and pushing past limitations allowed me to try something new, have fun and enjoy the process along the way. It helped figured out whether online dating was an avenue of success for me.
What resulted from the experience for me was that energetically it shifted what I was attracting. I was now open to receiving, to meeting men. It brought more connections with eligible bachelors outside of the online dating platform!
I met guys all sorts of ways. One random encounter happened after I lost my purse one night. The guy who returned it and I hit it off well and the next thing I knew, I was going on a date! I swear “You Can’t Make This S%*t Up” LOL.
A week later I ran into a guy I had met 4 years ago at a professional development group that we had both attended. The reconnection resulted in date number 2!
This continued for 3 more weeks and I got to experience a variety of different personality types, conversations and getting to know different guys while getting back on the dating scene.
After all of the swiping and *exciting* interviewing…. I mean… conversation 😉 on the site, the result was one date that route. I am grateful to report that I didn’t have any wildly bizarre stories from the experience, we just weren’t a “match”.
Along the way I built even more confidence and deeper self-worth and appreciation for where I was at in my relationship with myself and what I had learned from these dating adventures. Ultimately; seeing what I damn well knew I was worthy and deserving of and that it wasn’t with these suitors!
The dating escapades prepared me for a guy who came into my life who in the past, I would have never imagined having the confidence to pursue. It set in motion a whole new adventure in my dating journey. It led me to a new level of vulnerability and stretching my comfort zone.
…But I’ll save that story for the next blog!!
Dream BIG my friends,